Wednesday, December 06, 2006

My Worst Nightmare

Have you ever been in love?

Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build all these defenses, this whole armor of barrier for years, so nothing can hurt you.

Then one stupid person, no different from any other person wanders into your stupid life.

And suddenly you understand why that dude build the TajMahal for his wife, why Juliet stuck a dagger to her heart, why the Trojan war started because of a run-away queen. How a thing called love could subject countless poems, books and songs. How it sway battles, and change minds, to alter history. How a thing called love could caused people to be contradictory and thickheaded and was so often the demise of great lovers and powerful men. How a thing so trivial as love, so insignificant as a look or a touch or a hug, rule thousands.

I can honestly say he was the one person I did not want to meet my whole life. He broke down my emotional walls and made me feel things I didn't want to feel yet. He could see right through the facade and masks I wear. I hated him for that.

It was scary when I realized who he was: my worst nightmare.

It's true he was my worst nightmare. But he was the kind of nightmare that makes a person wakes up. It's weird it say this, but I suppose I was sleeping my whole life.. and then he made me wake up.

And then reality sets in. Mistakes were made and things happened. Stupid, pesky crap.

Weird thing is, as much as reality sucks, I don't wanna go back to sleep.
And I'm longing for my worst nightmare.
I miss him.


God, help me.

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