Saturday, December 23, 2006

Always

I know things happen for a reason. And I know God puts us through obstacles because He knows we can overcome them to strengthen our faith or maybe for some other deeper reason.. but still.

I'm once again feeling all worthless and.. bah, all that shit. I hate it. I don't know what to do. I mean, they're wrong and unfair but I know ako din mali nmn. It's much better to know whose fault it really is than sit and wonder whose fault it really is. I mean, cguro they're getting more than usual because of the pressure they're getting.. or maybe tlgang tanga lang ako. Waa.

I was reading tine's entry in her multiply about this experience she had. Tpos she mentioned something about that points out the fact that God will always be there when you have no one else to turn to. I'm ashamed to admit it but it's true right? I mean, when do we turn to God? When we're in trouble, or when we want/need something, when there's no one else to turn to. And yet, after all that He accepts us openly again.

I realized this when I thought about calling my friends, you know for sympathy or comfort or whatever. Then it occurred to me, I really didn't know what to say to them exactly, I couldn't explain what I.. bah, you get it. I was eating my dinner while I was thinking about all this. Tpos suddenly out of nowhere this line from a Hillsongs' Heart of Worship:

"I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus"

It's true. Kht ano man mangyari, it's all about Him. This life. When "the music fades, all is stripped away and i simply come longing just to bring something that's of worth", we always come back to Him and He will always be there no matter what.

Kaia I dunno, emote ako ng emote dito sa harap ng pc, listening to those songs and I'm like, crying but I dunno.. I just somehow feel ok, even though deep inside I feel so worthless.

Even though I feel lonely because the people I thought who'd always be there would come comforting me right now. But I guess God is the only thing we can be sure that will always be there. And that's enough for me.

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