When You Don't Have Anything Else To Blog About..

Whether from mental block or sheer laziness, I really don't know what to blog about right now. Good thing, I have something to talk about now. I've been tagged by Patty.

RULES:
“Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!”

10 weird habits/secrets…

1. At times, I don't look people in the eye when I talk to them. I don't know, maybe I'm seriously shy.

2. I read the dictionary. Boo, I think I just reined the nerd factor. Oh well,
what to do, when boredom strikes, weirdness reigns.

3. I'm addicted to post-it notes and bookmarks. It somehow makes my life easier to have things-to-do lists and know the last pages discussed in class.

4. Starting and trying out new things is like a hobby for me. It's only the finishing part I usually get stuck at. Take my drum lessons, I tried that during the summer, and now well, you know.

5. I have the tendency to fall for the wrong guy. Either they're too old for me, or they're taken. Boo, what to do.

6. When I'm nervous, I laugh. Really. When I have nothing to say, I just smile and laugh. Oh yes, I am laughing lunatic.

7. I procrastinate a lot. I mean, a lot. That's why I usually cram and struggle to finish things at the last minute.

8. My emotional stability is unstable. Haha. Let's just say, the way I would cry, you'd think the world was ending tomorrow.

9. When I drink hot chocolate, it has to have small pieces of marshmallows on top. Oh, and I dip bread into Coke or Pepsi.

10. I'm not really good at these kind of things. Like, describing myself or whatever I can go on and on about anything but myself. Haha.

So, yeah that's it. Where you expecting some sort of dark, deep secret? It took me days to think but I realized I'm too boring for that. Haha. Anyways, I'm tagging Rabia, Keekee, Aisha, Floo, Len and Tina.

And It Someone's Birthday

I realized my appearance have not changed that much. I'm still pretty much short, have the same chinky eyes, same milky-white complexion. I guess all the changes have to happen inside.

Earlier during the day, my classmates took the opportunity to sing to me since I'm not gonna be at school today. An embarrassing, blushing-worthy moment but nevertheless thoughtful.

I finally told my mom what she's been pestering me about. It satisfied her and I'm glad. I couldn't take much more of noise pollution.

The cellphone under my 4-year-old pillow vibrated more pleasantly than usual. I appreciated them all. The calls, the text messages and even the missed calls. They were touching, funny and I feel really lucky to have such friends.

One sent me a message even before the clock would strike 12 just so that she'll be the first to greet, one sang to me over the phone with matching beats and waited with me for 12 o'clock, and someone even texted me from Philippines. Another stayed up late till 3 am just so we can talk and another woke up as early as possible and woke me up to greet me.

My annoying little brother and sister poke me carefully this morning, my tita tickled my feet, my dad came to my bed and talked to me even though my brain wasn't fully functioning yet since I haven't had my morning coffee and my mom left me a greeting card full of encouragement and love with a spanking Dhs.100.

They all said the same thing. Short, simple words. But today, "Happy 16th Birthday Pam" made an impact on myself.

P.S.
I think I got measles. Boo.

The Big Sigh

Ever wished you could turn back time just so to correct your mistakes or to cherish the good stuff? Yeah, I wished I could do both.

It's been a busy week. Correction, weeks. No, busy hell weeks.

With our dance thing, Badminton practices for Sports Day, projects, someone I'm trying to avoid, prefect duties, Class Board (of which I was in charge of the design), my own mother pestering me on what my plans are for my freaking 16th birthday, my stupidity to choose to go out with friends during a hell week, I was in short, dead.

Wait till you hear the results.

All hell broke loose that day for our dance thing. The only highlight is that our first performance is flawless. Many thanks to Ate Dk for the hair and Maha for the make-up. Other than that? Pfft.

First off, the food sucked. It was inedible. So we went to the nearest mall to eat decent Mcdo's. But then our friend called us that the plans was changed and apparently right at that very moment we were talking to her, just one more dance and it was our turn. Walking really, really fast right after eating is inadvisable but we did just that anyway.

Then, some outsiders thought it would be fun to mock and throw money to the dancers before us. After a few fistfights, everything else was canceled. And things went out of hand. Emotions as well. People pointed fingers. I got carried away and snapped at someone even though he was just trying to help and calm me down.

As for the badminton practices, I don't think I'm even participating in that anymore. Our House Captain put me in even though I missed the tryouts but I think she lost her patience after I also missed the practices and my prefect duties.

And that someone I'm trying to avoid? Well, I'm proud to say I finally didn't. Avoid him, I mean. But you know what sucks? You can't protect someone from the truth, moreover, yourself. Sometimes you just gotta hurt the ones you love for them to know th truth. For his own good. And especially for your own sake.

And my projects? I finished them. Last night, actually. Good thing my mom pitied me enough to let me stay at home and catch on my other schoolwork and study for Social Studies tomorrow.

In regard to our Class Board, I can't say we're the best (the class next to us was my favorite) but we definitely worked as a team. Biased as it might seem, I think we did a great job.

As for going out with during a hell week, I think I needed that. Even though I didn't have to, I think I just needed to be with people who can make me forget about this hell week. And it was surely worth it.

The only thing left unsettled is my mom pestering me on my plans for my birthday. She kept saying things like, "I need to know whether or not you're going to invite friends over so I can know how much I should cook." Whether she was plain serious or attempting to joke, I do not know.

Hearts, hearts and more hearts

Erm, yeah, forgive the vainness, that was my way of 'expressing love'.

I tried to write about the history of Valentine's Day but I found the numerous myths and legends confusing and troublesome. Why put myself to that trouble? And I won't even try to write how my V-day was(is?).

Also, my attempts to write how sweet, affectionate, heavenly, infatuating, lovey-dovey, passionate, enchanting, excitable, cherished, ravishing, alluring, irresistible, and enticing (don't you just love the thesaurus?) it feels to spend a thoughtful gift or do something special with that special someone are pathetic.

I learned that Valentine's Day is just an overly rated commercialized holiday benefited by greeting card companies and teddy-bear makers. Oh, and couples too of course. I see no purpose in being given roses (or spending money on it) that will just eventually wilt away or being bought stuffed toys that are quite useless (and creepy, don't ask I just don't like them teddy's) and would only gather dust that could possibly diseased you.

Why a special holiday is needed to express your love when you could do that on any normal day is beyond me. But since this is the day to "express love", I'm refraining from being such a killjoy and whine trash thoughts further.

Truth be told, V-day wouldn't feel like V-day without the what-am-I-going-to-get-for-my-honey jitters, the sweet gestures and the whole extravaganza.

So, go out there, have fun, rack your brain to think of what to buy for that special someone and say 'I Love You' to the person you've been going ga-ga for the past centuries.


P.S.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Blogging About Not Blogging

Why?

• Physics, Computer and Biology pending [in my world this means: not yet even started] projects plus consistent dance practices added to my mounting pile of homeworks-only-done-during-weekends are providing me with crap doses of headaches, hair-pulling frenzies, momentary brain freeze and fleeting vexations.


• I need to clean/arrange my closet. Every morning, I see this pile of jumble inside the poor over-loaded thing begging for neatness. It’s coincidently lucky we wear a maid-like dress to school so unless they force me to go naked, no one would notice that I just iron the sleeves of my equally revolting polo shirt. I’m going to give in to my closet’s plea and finally arrange it in a way that would make any momma proud. Tomorrow.


• My brain cells are draining out. I just read my past two entries and I realized how lame assed they sound, I could picture the people reading it practically hurling. I have to admit they were lacking my usual ‘spirit’ at blogging. My mind usually comes up with random things to discuss at the wrong time so I hope, no, I intend to come back with posts that would satisfy my weird expectations for this blog.


• A personal undefined reason. Two personal undefined reasons, in fact. One, my emotional capacity cannot handle about something that someone told me. The other one, well, the clouds look nice don’t they? Pfft, fdshjfi fadfdfadf[sorry, couldn't think of a rational way to curse].

With those in mind, my fellow bloggers and non-existent readers, I intend to be gone for a while. When I will be back, I do not know.

Of Dances and Latino Freaks

So, I still can't remember the steps for our dance on Razzmazz Day -this is another attempt of our school to somehow make it bearable for us- or whatever it's called but for me, I call it the Carnival(erm, yeah don't ask). Basically, it's a day filled with "entertainment, sports and fun."

I find that break dancing is hot, salsa truly sensual, air ballet as something I would love to excel ever since watching Lara Croft in Tomb Raider gliding away to glory (only finding out that to air ballet you actually have to know ballet pretty much crushed my erm, dreams). I like dancing. Only, memorizing the steps? Er, yeah. It's like this: I know the steps, how to do them and the rest. Only I can't apply them. Gah. Does that make sense?

A 'Latino' dance group had been bugging us lately. I know I shouldn't get overboard, but they're really starting to tick us off. We were chosen to be the first group to open the "show" and I guess they didn't much agree with that.

They claim our steps were too easy and are just being repeated all over again when they're own steps can be efficiently mimicked by my 9-nine-year-old sister. Come on. And that's not it. Every morning, before class we go to an empty classroom just so that we can practice. But guess who we saw this morning, sitting there and not even doing anything other than just staring off into a daze.

Our dance rehearsal this afternoon was tiring, to say the least. In every corner of the auditorium, groups are rehearsing steps, trying to hear their song among the mass of other dancers and counting "1.. 2.. 3.." together as to avoid confusion. There was a lot of pressure since only two after-school staybacks were given even though the big day's on the 17th.

During rehearsal, I felt so proud when everyone cheered and clapped even though the dance was just starting and some of our steps are not yet finalized or memorized. Haha. Yeah, my level of happiness is rather low. Only our blissfulness burst out when the sound system started to act crappy again.

I'm off. We're discussing costume. Any ideas on what should go with camouflage pants are welcome.


P.S.
Wish me luck on memorizing the steps.

I Don't Like Your Brother Anymore

"Wow, you're sitting next to me again.
May gusto ka saken noh?"

Ang kapal ng mokong na yun.

Me? Like him? As if. He's the walking-and-talking annoying Kuya I never had.

It's not fault I always end with him, next to him, behind him. Besides, why would I even want to be with him when I practically go ga-ga over his brother.

Then he goes, "You look pretty today Pam. Really you do. I don't know what it is, but you do. complete with hard-to-understand expression mixed with sincerity. Gah. Nang-bola pa. Pero naniwala naman ang yours truly. Tsk, tsk.

Then he stares continuously, having an inner battle meters away from me, sending telepathic vibes such as "I'm looking at you Pam.". Naman eh. Why, is it because I got some smudge on my face, is my fringe hanging weirdly again or do I just really have huge dung on my nose? Pfft.

But you know what?

I actually want to say 'Thanks' to 'Kuya'. Not that he reads my blog or let alone knows I have one, but I just want to. So, thanks. Thanks for the corny jokes and backhanded compliments that are as old as your favorite glasses, which nevertheless amuse me. Thanks for putting up with my (as you call it) 'Diva-ness'. Thanks for being there, to annoy and to listen to, when there was no one else.

And if he'll ask me again? Yeah, okay. Fine. It's not his brother Peter that I like, it's him. May gusto pala ako sakanya.

And now I take this opportunity to use his overrated expression that makes the girls in YFC giggle like hyenas and use it to my expense: Ohmyfreakinguitar.

In Memory Of My Memory

It required tremendous effort to not pass/sit next to a person without getting a comment such as, 'Hey, Miyuki!' or 'Konichiwa!' or something similar like that this morning at our YFC meeting. I don’t even know who Miyuki or whatever her name is, but apparently my anime-ish(as JB calls it using his 'dictionary') hairdo and fringe caused me to have a distinct resemblance of the girl in The Grudge 2. Er, okay, I didn't know I looked that scary.

Moving on.

Later during the meeting, Kuya Rap told us to close our eyes while singing Hillsong's Heart Of Worship. He told us to imagine God in front of us, worshiping and singing this song. I did just that and as I started to sing the lyrics I closed my eyes and longed for His presence. But all I see was darkness. Just plain darkness. I mean, what do you expect to see when your eyes are closed right?

'You search much deeper within
through the way things appear..'

I stopped singing along and pondered on the meaning of each word that just escaped my lips. This time, I could see myself kneeling down in the darkness, although I could clearly see a bright light. I thought maybe that's where He was so I prepared myself to go nearer but I felt too scared and too worthless.

Our reverie ended and we were asked to 'share'. People talked about how they saw Him in the clouds, surrounded by a bright light, standing (or floating, as in in Jo's case) before Him. Some were kneeling too, in a midst of darkness, but they saw Him nonetheless. Others, like myself, saw nothing except few non-descriptive.. things.

Kuya Rap told us to close our eyes once again and position in the way we envisioned ourselves while our eyes were closed. But this time, we were told to visualized ourselves surrounded by the other people in the room, worshiping and singing to Him.

So I did.

But I just saw the same thing. Darkness, the small bright light. I wanted to reach out. But I felt too worthless and scared. I was.. gah. I don’t know how to explain it.

It infuriated me because I wanted to feel His presence and I was too much of a coward. And I was too scared to reach out because I might not be able to. And maybe I wasn’t really deserving. And maybe I wasn’t just ‘opening’ up. And I was wondering why I couldn’t see anything. I started to feel my knees shaking, and I had trouble steadying myself and I sobbed uncontrollably.

Maybe it’s still not my time yet. Let’s face it; I’m not exactly religious. I just have faith. I swear, I lie, I cheat and I do things that would probably break my parents’ hearts. I'm more of a God-fearing sinner. And I definitely don’t say 10 Hail Mary’s each day religiously since I don’t believe in that. I’m practically a hypocrite.

Who am I to be in His presence?